Fighting with your man sucks.
I’ve never been big on fighting in general, but doing it with my man just plain sucks.
So men, if you are listening, here are some tips.
1. Don’t get super angry over the small shit.
There are no snakes or bears, or blood soaked corpses attacking. Calm the fuck down and consider if perhaps you are overreacting. Now, I’ve found that this kind of over reaction is typically catalyzed by variables such as: my man is hungry, tired, bored, or feeling insecure. So dudes, do us all a favor, quit throwing the tantrum and instead just grab a sandwich, nap, movie or hug/blow job…whatever. It’s just not cute.
2. Let it go.
I know women have superior connection along the corpus colosseum hence facilitating more efficient thought resolution. But still, if the male sex can travel to the moon, sit in the Supreme Court and operate dangerous machinery, a man should be able to learn to count to ten, let his body regain homeostasis, put shit in perspective and decide “No I do not want to spend the next three hours giving my fine ass chick the silent treatment over some stupid shit. That does not seem fun or productive.” I know this could sound crazy, but do me a favor, and just try it. I promise you won’t regret it.
3. Fight fair.
She introduced you to her mother because she likes you. Not to give you ammunition the next time she gets annoying by questioning why she has to ask you seventeen times to close the shower curtain so it doesn’t look like a wet German shepherd went ape shit in there. Talk to your girl; tell her you are stressed or worried or whatever. Don’t bring up every thing going wrong in your life and frantically connect that to something she did. If she’s really ruining your life throw her to the curb, if not put on your big boy pants and stop projecting your shit onto the lovely creature who supports and cares for you.
4. Fight Fair part II.
Yes you are a big strong man. Do you think you need to slam your fist or kick the door for us better hear you? If you need to do that with a women you need to ditch her, because an arrest record for domestic altercation is not a good look. And that’s where it will go at some point. So revisit number two and practice deep breaths and clear thoughts.
5. Lower your voice.
Um no, we do not want the neighbors, the waiter, the gas attendant, our best friend etc to hear the nasty shit we say when we argue. Keep your damn voice down and the dirty looks to a minimum.
6. Quit playing telephone.
I know you played that game when you were a kid, where you would tell one person a “secret” and then they would tell the next person, who would tell the next person, and so on until it reached its final recipient, who would then recite something that barely resembled what it began as. Except men seem to cut out the middle man and just reorganize direct quotes from their women. “Baby I’m stressed about us fighting so much lately, I want to find a solution to live more peacefully” incites a response like “Oh, so you just want me to leave? You are over me huh? You used me and now you just want to get rid of me.” Ummm, wtf? Do I need to hire a translator? Me, Jane, You, Tarzan?
These are just a few insights I’ve gained along the way… I’m sure there will be more to come.
In the meantime– Oh dear, sweet, adorable, man in our lives: do all us girls a favor and consider the truth and value in the tips …
Ok, ok, I know multitasking is hard.. maybe just start with one and work your way down 🙂